i am here now for two years....third year this time.......homeworks...keeps me busy and alive at least......i thought,did i improve much,have i done much for myself,i couldnt remember,but there are changes, in this semester...i know ....it might not be much,but i love them ...now i learn a lot on how to face people.......they ,ight not be what u want them to be,but i learn a lot to watch them no matter what they did to me,i am learning ,and i was really wonderful, to learn to smile at it ,but i guess, i will be stronger than ever ,but it doesnt mean that i can't cry just becoz i am a guy rite,so i sing a lot ,not just spending my time in front of computer anymore but ,pray and sing a lot ,i will be waiting and keep on waiting for what Father has promised me in the first place .....His perfect plan, before that,i have to try harder than ever to see what he has been given to me..... 

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it is so unsafe  even being with someone else,my mommy,best friend ,strangers........ i kept on asking what should i do?father,what am i doing,what have i done......? is it sickness,arrogance,or initiative to be better? o,father what did i do, when can i rest.....should i say rest in peace.....?
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am i alone........ i was really thinkin.... am i alone  why do i seek attention from others.....should i seek ,can i seek ? Father i hate to pretend....i hate pretending that i am a strong independent person
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Why are we born?                                                                                                     Why do we have to exist?
 this is already the core of everything....
I pray that i will stand strong and be upright, i will judge and bring this faith upward to change what i can change.I know i can/t change others.But the story that has lived inside me will teach me of what to do.I know i have to move on and make the difference.
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i closed my eyes, didn't wanna wake up,can i just live in my dreams.....please. but i am still alive,can i stop breathing just to let my pain be all gone........please.
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There are times that we think big,but after we move our first step then we know, the wind is too strong,we are afraid that we might fall.When i thought that i am here in taiwan, the unfamiliar place,i wonder, why am i here,what do i have to do,why do i have to choose such a different path, why am i not like other kids,why do i have to move from one place to another.what am i waiting for, what am i striving for.can my life be less simple.even so, what i did and what i have done taught me, there are times when we need to rest,but learn not to give up,there are times when we fall to our knees,even then it might hurt but,we learn to stand, firm and strong, that is what winners do.then i thought, why do i need to be a winner,then it came to me, life is not just about winning or losing.but it is about if we want  something, we fight for it.we though never thought to dream big,but so, we believe,we trust that we will grab the slightest chance and persevere till the end,no matter what the outcome is.That is the beautiful story that i want to write down on my piece of white paper.others who came across me may not know what it tastes like, to write each and every word.but i do know what is it like,it is a really lonely world,but there it goes,it is something that we have to write down,keep a record.         I am who I am, I will set my foot on this ground and make the world witness,My name is yakobus.

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maybe no one will read this, but if anyone ever read this...i am hoping that they would reply.. this is a very lonesome world, but can anyone ever be lonely the whole time. i kept on thinking,if i am ever to do something huge,big or great..........maybe i have to overcome all these,including my loneliness.
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不到一分钟的感觉，却带来了一些温馨的feeling。。。 小偷你在哪里？
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loneliness.............it is one thing that i hated most,the one thing what i couldn't really understand about human.there are times when we do not have any aim and destination.Father please be with us.human are so complicated and not easily trusted,they rarely could accept any indifference among them.They gossip,they want to dispose those are not the same as them. Father please forgive me, i am just so sensitive, so pessimist and cooped up in my own world.Right now i do not really have anyone to be by my side,and comfort or share with me. I kept a distance from others just to keep myself safe.Father, what should i do to have a friend? I have left trails that will disappear in a moment, i have to move from one to another place.No sense of security for others and myself.But those memories i had,might be sweet and terrible.None of them will disappear.But i can choose right for what i should believe? I was once a human who had feelings for them, after time changes, everything is not the same anymore. Father i really liked myself and really hated myself. This is the way i loved myself.
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a person has to do what he is got to do.Sometimes some asshole will look at you in a way as if u are different from them, so what? I am not the person whom u can just slap me and go away,no way, i will make sure u will kneel before me, and beg me for forgiveness. Trusting a person is never easy, but i believe being straightforward and trusted is the quality of a person. Faith that i am talking about is not something small and inadequate.But it is the quality and passion of to be who you are. You are who you are.It's easy to follow others topics and be like them, and get your life as an asshole, but we an individual. So why not be myself, be the winner and be the asshole in front of asshole.  
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a cold winter with no one to talk to......what a day.
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my goodness today i am so tired,walking all day,with mommy yesterday.I am just a little adorable ,idiotic pig.haha......somehow to day i planned something else,clean my own room. and then i was thinkin,i really want to buy books,where the hell should i buy it then...?page one in 101 is a good one,cheez i am expecting so much.but unfortunately no more discount,the books are so expensive and outdated.my goodness kill me.so disappointed.so this time i aim to buy that naoto fusakawa book.hehe.my evil plan has just begun. i plan to use my talent to dominate the whole world......i think i can do it...haha. well, this what i call nervous breakdown. so sad i didnt buy any book today.but never mind i saw something else today..........chicks
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